I can’t quite explain how I feel without my kids. I thought I would be happy to have “me” time. There is something about having them around. Maybe, some might think this is odd, but I do like spending time with them. I realize they are just little versions of me.

They are trying to figure out something. They don’t know what is in store for them. We can’t tell them everything they need to know. That would spoil them. It is like telling someone the end of a movie they want to see. Anticipation is everything.

Something is so valuable in finding your way. I choose to let them stumble and fall. They may try me. However, I know it is only part of something they have to grow through. Something special and unique to their own growth. We all have something to work on. I will work on my something while they are not around. Together it will be something to look forward to.

I remember my sons first steps. I remember when he first learned to crawl. He leaned over and touched our cat. The cat looked back at him, with a look of disdain. However, the cat did not strike. The image of him learning to crawl will forever be imbedded in my mind, because it made me laugh.

I am making it a point to laugh more. If we find the humor or reasons to laugh through out the day, we just feel better. This parenting task is hard. Why do we have to be so serious. It is important, but that does not mean we cannot laugh and savor those funny moments.

It was cool how the kids seemed to smile for no reason when they were babies, because they were glad to see our huge faces. Maybe the look on our faces was funny to the little ones. I need to make more opportunities to laugh at eat phase of parenting. I once asked someone if it got easier. They just told me it was different. I choose not to see it as something to dread. I love to laugh about things that used to upset me.

My daughters went bike riding in a forest preserve. They complained about how long they had to ride to get to our destination. I had to encourage them to keep going. We took breaks, but not too long. We walked our bikes up steep hills, when it got too tough. We kept going. There were waves of complaints. I had to tell them to stop complaining. I told them they could do it.

We did not have a plan when we set off. We forgot to bring some snacks. However, we had water. That was enough to get us going until we took another break. The kids wanted to complain about how much their feet hurt. We kept telling them just a little bit further and then we can take a break. Soon we found our final destination. It was a waterfall.

They were so excited to play in the water after going on such a long ride. They wanted to wade in the water and feel the waves. There are good waves and bad waves. Now they know that they can ride the waves to on destination and then ride on to another. They learned they don’t have to complain. They learned to love getting to where we set out to go. It was more than they could have imagined. The waves of complaints were not heard on the ride back. They got tired. They knew that the ride home to our vehicle was a victory. They went about 6 miles today. That is a lot for kids.

Before I had my kids, I had images of what I thought they would look like. I thought about how I would feel. I thought long and hard about whether or not I was ready to be a parent. I decided I was ready. I had to find the right person to be with. I had to work on myself. It took me a while to become a Mom. Some might think I am my kids grandmother. I had a late start. The pictures in my mind were of perfect moments, where everyone fit into place.

There were trying times as a parent. You do the best you can. My parents did the best they could with what they had. I had my moments. I would fight with my parents. Not too often. I was asserting my independence. I knew I had to move out of their home. It felt like I was being pushed out against my will.

I floundered. I made mistakes. Then I realized, I could be out on my own and thrive. I made changes. Then I found my husband and then we had three kids. Before we had kids I had to visualize what life might look like with kids. I knew there would be expenses. There might also be some strife. I learned to let go of the images of perfection. I hold on to the happy moments as they occur. Those are the images that I remember. When you are fighting or feel like you are at your wits end with your kids. Hold on to the pictures of the happy times, the fun times, and make more. Forget about the unhappy times or the perfect moments you had in your mind.